The loss of a best friend.

I've been sitting on this for quite some time. My world was rocked when I got that phone call my childhood best friend left this world too early. 

I had just spoken to her two days before. We had our usual witty banter, caught each other up on what was going on in our life. How incredibly happy she was. We spoke about food and the many delicious things there were to eat here in Texas. We were planning her trip to come see my family and I. I didn't know until after her passing, but my mom and Ashley were planning on surprising me for my birthday and  having her fly out. We had so many plans still. So many more girls nights we wanted to have. Late night trips to Taco Bell, night walks by the river or beach. Camping under the stars and talking until the sun comes up. 

Ashley was there for me, it didn't matter what time it was, if she was eating. She would drop everything. 

Through my cancer, break ups, bullying, when I moved to Texas and was all alone. She was there when I was pregnant. She went to my very first OB/GYN appointment. We were the first ones to hear the kiddos heart beat. At the time my then boyfriend was pressuring me for an abortion, I remember her holding my hand telling me she would step up and help raise this baby. I wasn't alone. I stayed with that rotten boy..(He wasn't a man, but that's behind us) She stayed by my side through the abuse. Was there to pick up the pieces and go to court dates after. She cheered me on as I picked myself back up and rebuilt myself. She supported me through everything. She was my sister, my son's aunt, my moms daughter. She was my family. 

We were VERY different. But none of it mattered. We taught each other about our differences. She taught me how a man should treat me. She took me on some of the best dates! In no way am I attracted to girls or go that way. But she still showed me the right way anyone should be treated by a loved one. She had the biggest heart and it shined bright for all to see. 

I am lost without her. She was my person. My husband is great and all. But he is not my sister. It's just a different relationship. I have this empty void in my life now and I just feel lost. My heart is broken and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm told it gets easier, but does it really?